Monday, December 15, 2008

The most wonderful time of the year?

I am one of those people who believe that Christmas music is so great that it should be played at least for three months out of the year. I also have no problems acknowledging that the powder sugared dusted earth is one of the most beautiful and serene sites the eye can see. Therefore, I am pretty much a so-called jolly soul during the holiday season. Yet this morning of all mornings, I was reminded that this is not the case for everyone this time of the year.

I woke up this morning grabbed my cup of joe and flipped on my favorite news program the TODAY show with Meredith, Matt, Al, and Anne who I like to believe know that I am a die hard fan and faithful viewer. I was sauntering over to my computer in the hopes of robbing wireless internet service from "jim the fruit snaza" when all of the sudden I heard the distinctive sounds of a woman sobbing. I mean the crying was uncontrollable. I looked out my window and there in the bitter cold walked a woman with no coat dragging her purse. I mean in my head I am going through all of the horrible things that could of happened to this person. I decided right then that I had to make sure she was ok. So here I am in my night gown, glasses, and hair in a massive nest like mass on top of my head, running out my backdoor to catch the weeping woman. As I approach her I call to her "Excuse me, Excuse me are you alright." The woman looks at me with her dark mysterious eyes and for a moment quits weeping and says, "oh I am fine." The woman then begins to walk away at an alarming speed with the sounds of weeping clearly audible. I just stood there in the blistering cold trying to understand what just happened.

It was so blatantly obvious to me that this woman in no way, shape, or form was ok; yet she proceeded to try to make me believe that everything was just fine. I then asked myself how often do we all put on a facade of happiness? When is ok to have a really good cry? All these questions I pondered as I looked at my own life. For the most part I am generally jolly and merry and on the occasion I am not I tend to find my own haven, my own place of surrender to sulk in solitude.

Yet, if we were honest with one another what we all want is someone who can listen to us and just care. We might find pleasure in the quiet of our own room, but in reality we all are just searching for someone who genuinely commits to caring about our day, our joys, and our sorrows. I often say I have this genetic defect and that is that I sometimes love people more than they love me in return. This is fine because over the years I have become callused just like the palm of someone's hand and I can handle the fact that my love isn't always reciprocated. Thus, as an adjustment I try to put my yellow blinkers on, but the darn caution lights just don't seem to work. While I still find myself in this vulnerable position, wearing my heart on my sleeve, I guess I wouldn't have it any other way because the satisfaction of helping a friend (or a stranger for that matter) far outweighs and personal strife I might experience from unrequited love.

I honestly don't know what I would have done if the woman would have said anything else but" I' m fine." All I do know is that as we approach the heart of the holiday season, remember that "the most wonderful time of the year" can be quite the contrary for many people. And sometimes the most reassuring force in the world can be a friendly hug, an open ear, and a warm heart.

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